One of the most-searched Internet topics is "how to get your boyfriend back." Losing that special someone makes you sick to your stomach and causes you to dwell on him constantly, whether you were dating for a few months or a few years. You'll replay it over and over in your head. It's going to sting, and you're instantly going to want to know how to win your boyfriend back, even before you take a moment to consider what went wrong.
Fortunately, you're not alone in the advice department: there are plenty of great tutorials, courses, and guides all related to the best ways to rekindle that love and get your boyfriend back. Unfortunately they often cost money and make unrealistic promises.
There's a reason you have that immediate urge to get your boyfriend back; it's only human to want what you can't have - especially if you had it in the past. But the fear of rejection isn't a good reason to want your boyfriend back. Before you even start thinking about the right steps to win your boyfriend back, consider the following:
1) Why are you trying to get your boyfriend back?
If you want to get your boyfriend back because you want what you can't have, you need to reconsider your priorities.
Of course that doesn't mean there aren't better reasons deep in your heart - but if the first emotion you feel is anger or jealousy, you've got some serious thinking to do before you use a strategy to win your boyfriend back.
If you're more worried about him being with somebody else instead of wanting to be with him, no amount of relationship advice will help you bring back a healthy relationship.
2) What went wrong in the first place?
The most common scenario is that he broke up with you, probably because, "he's drifted" or, "the feelings aren't there anymore." Those types of breakups are seemingly harder to fix. But maybe you broke up with him and realized you made a huge mistake.
Or, even worse, you may have violated his trust in a major way. Guys are different from girls - you may think it has something to do with your love life. But any guy worth keeping won't break up with a girl because of the love life (he'll try to fix that).
You don't need to know the exact reason behind the breakup, but to win your boyfriend back, you must have an intimate understanding of what would've went wrong and acknowledge that the status quo of the relationship was not working.
3) Are you committed to making a change?
Some people say guys are easy to manipulate. And some guys are. But if you think you'll get him back while trying to change him, you're not ready to really get him back. And trying to change him may have pushed him away in the first place.
While there does need to be a paradigm shift in his view as well (and there are better ways to do it), the hard truth is you're going to have to do some soul-searching and be willing to accept the things you need to change.
If you're not ready to change your lifestyle and are convinced you can find another guy who is better suited to how you live, don't pretend you want to get your boyfriend back because you're committed to the relationship.
This goes back to question one. Don't feel like you have to change either - but if you want to get your boyfriend back, it's very likely one of the first things you'll need to do is take time to clean up and get right with yourself. That means kicking old habits and looking out for your health before you look out for anybody else.
4) Are you willing to be alone first?
If you truly want to win your boyfriend back, you're going to have to be okay with being alone for a little while. And considering he was probably such a big part of your support system, that's going to be hard. Sure, sometimes a guy will come back to you immediately. But don't hold your breath - quick-fix relationships are the exception, not the rule.
A lot of guides will tell you to take time off and not talk to your ex - it's kind of cliché, but it's also true. Being emotionally vulnerable is dangerous, especially if there's a phone nearby. You have to be OK with being "alone." That doesn't mean single. That means not even looking. That means giving all your energy and time to yourself and nobody else. That means surrounding yourself with friends and family, but thinking about number one first.
If you can commit to yourself and not talk to your ex for a little while, you'll have a better chance to get your boyfriend back. If you can't even be alone for a little while of your own accord, you'll push him away and find yourself alone on his terms. Consider those four things before really trying to get your boyfriend back.
It's a process and it takes commitment. Once you've gone through those four questions you can decide if it's worth purchasing a relationship guide and taking the next steps.